my blog my blog

Monthly December 2017
How To Turn Your Hobby Into A Profitable Business

Hobbies are there to bring us joy, to help us to relax, and to generally make life a little better (and easier). Work, on the other hand, can often feel like the complete opposite – it’s hard, and it’s boring, and it’s just something we do to pay the bills and get through. If only there was a way to make our hobby into something that pays, and pays enough to give us a good living. Perhaps even start our own business. Well, there isn’t just one way that that can happen; there are many.

Goals

Having a goal – or goals – is essential when you start thinking about turning your hobby into a business. With no solid plan in place, and no end result in sight, you may find that you start well but fall at the first hurdle. To start with, what kind of scale are you looking at for your business? Will it be a full-time job so that you no longer have to work in your current day job? Or will it be a ‘side hustle’ so you can make money doing what you would have been doing in your spare time anyway? The more income you want to make, the more work you will need to do, so knowing in advance is important as you can then set aside the right amount of time to make your business successful, and the right amount of money too.

It’s Not Just The Obvious…

If your hobby isn’t something you think you could make a business out of, think again. Literally. Sit down with a pen and a piece of paper (do this the ‘old fashioned’ way for the best, most organic results) and start brainstorming your hobby. What are the ways it can bring you an income? Start with the most obvious, and let your mind really be free to make associations from there. Don’t be afraid to use the internet to see what other people are doing in the same or similar field. Once you start, you will soon discover that there are many different ways to make your hobby make you money. As a start, if you make something, you could sell it. Could you also, however, teach others how to make it? Could you create designs for others to follow? Could you sell accessories that go with whatever it is you’re doing?

Hobby Is Fun, Work Is…

You enjoy your hobby because it’s fun. You enjoy it because you’re good at it. You enjoy it because it gets your mind away from work and the office and all those business type things that seem to take up so much time. So, the big question is, will you still enjoy your hobby as much if you’re making money from it? Answer this question truly honestly, otherwise you might find that you have spent time and money creating a business only to be in the same position as you were when you were working elsewhere, except this time it’s you having to pay all the business costs and ensure salaries are dealt with. You could test the waters by starting off part-time.

Practice, Practice

Just because you enjoy something doesn’t necessarily mean you’re good at it. Hopefully it does mean you have a little skill, but it’s not always the case. So before you quit your day job and plunge yourself headlong into your new enterprise, make sure you really are the best that you can be. Practice, practice, and practice some more. Take extra classes, go the extra mile. Learn all there is to learn about whatever it is you’re doing so that you can be an expert, and people will trust you with their purchases. This is also the time to really learn about business, and ensure you’ve got all the skills and knowledge in place to get it right from day one. You will need accounting software and office equipment, and you’ll need a way of publishing reports so you know where you’re going and how far you still have to go.

Business Plan

No business can really make a successful start without a business plan. Not only is it useful for your bank, lender, or investors (whether you need them at the beginning or you think you might want to utilise them in the future), but it’s also important for you. An honest business plan will help you to see where the strengths and weaknesses of your idea lie, and will show you whether your hobby really can be a viable business. It will also show you how much money you might need to get your idea off the ground, and how much you’ll make in the first year (and the subsequent three to five years, all being well). If your business plan shows that you’re not ready to begin your new adventure, don’t worry – you know what you need to get to that point, and you can work towards it.

Marketing

Starting up a business is a wonderful thing. It’s exciting. It is – in some ways – freeing. However, if you don’t know about marketing, you may find that you don’t get as far as your business plan predicts. You don’t have to be an expert, but having the fundamentals of marketing in your mind will be a good start. Read some marketing books, search online for hints and tips, and generally get marketing ready before you launch. Once you are making enough money, you can bring an expert on board who can push your business even further (and give you more time to concentrate on the running of it), but until then, you will be responsible for everything. Your marketing needs to be good at the start, or finding those first customers will be tougher than it needs to be. A good way to get going in marketing is to network and make connections. You will be able to learn from these people, and you may even get referrals.

 

The Essentials To Pack On A Family Day Out

Having a family day out is one of the highlights of any weekend or holiday. Whether it is something that has been planned for months, or it’s a spur of the moment decision to go out to a museum, a theme park, a playground, or any other kind of attraction that everyone will love, there are some things that you will definitely need to take with you – here are our suggestions for the essentials to pack on a family day out.

Extra Clothing

The weather can often be unpredictable, and so can kids. By taking a spare change of clothes with you, you can be prepared should anything happen. It might rain and everyone gets wet, or it could be muddy and a change of outfit is required before getting back in the car to go home again. Or it might be something to do with dropping ketchup or ice cream all over themselves! Whatever the reason, having clothes for them to change into is a good way to keep everyone happy and comfortable.

Custom Clothing

Custom clothing is a great way to keep an eye on everyone. Whether it’s just you and a couple of little ones, or there is a big group of you, having everyone wear clothing that matches is a handy way to spot everyone quickly – ideal for when you are going to a busy place and there are going to be lots of crowds. If anyone does get lost, it’s also easy to describe what they’re wearing – and those looking will know when they have found them.

First Aid Kit

Accidents do happen, so having a first aid kit that has plenty of sticking plasters and antiseptic wipes is always useful. Patch up any cuts and scrapes immediately, and you can continue on with your fun day out.

Journey Distractions

Sometimes, the best days out will take a while to get there. If the kids tend to get bored on long journeys, it’s best to have a few distractions up your sleeve so that they arrive happy and contented (and so do you!). A fully loaded tablet, for example, with plenty of games and movies is great. If you don’t like the idea of screen time, why not get some exercise books that have puzzles in them, or colouring or sticker books to pass the time? Another idea is to look up some games to play before you leave home – spotting certain items as you drive along is a good one, as is counting the number of yellow cars, for example.

Snacks

Even if the place you’re going to has stores or stalls to buy food from, having extra snacks (and drinks) with you is never a bad idea. The kids might get hungry before you were planning to sit down and eat, and giving them something to keep them going will save any change of plans. Snacks are especially important, however, if you’re going somewhere that might not have anywhere to get food, they’re even more important. If everyone is fed and watered, you can enjoy your day even more!

How Can Water Help You Lose Weight?

One of the quickest and easiest ways to lose weight (when you combine it with a healthy diet and an exercise regime) is to drink lots of water instead of sugary carbonated soft drinks. It is said that women should drink about 90oz (11 cups) of water a day, and men need 125oz (15 cups) a day to stay fit and healthy. Our bodies need water, and here are some great ideas on how to get enough.

Set A Timer

Drinking a lot of water isn’t always easy. Sitting down to drink 11 or 15 cups at once is all but impossible – and it will put people off drinking water in general if they get overwhelmed by having to have that much, even if it is going to keep them healthy or help them to lose weight. Instead of trying to consume as much water as possible as quickly as possible, spread your water intake out throughout the day. Set a time on your smartphone or watch for every two hours, and make sure that you take a drink of water when the alarm sounds. This will help you get enough water without having to drink it all at once.

Add Flavor

Water is refreshing, and it’s the best thing you can drink for your body to stay healthy, but it’s also pretty dull, which is why soft drinks and juices are often chosen instead – at least they taste great, even if they are bad for you. You’re supposed to be drinking water, though, so why not add flavour to it? Steer clear of fake sugars and sweeteners, and use natural flavourings instead.

Sparkling

For some people, it’s the fizz of a soft drink that they crave rather than the sugar or the taste, so if that’s the case for you, choose sparkling water instead. Carbonated water is the ideal alternative, but if you are on a low sodium diet check the sodium content of the sparkling water before you start to drink lots of it – some have high levels. If you’re unsure, you can buy a Soda Stream and make your own at home using tap water.

Fruit

If you are really not keen on the idea of drinking lots of water, you might want to consider eating fruit to make up for what you’re missing. Some fruit contains a lot of water (watermelon is 92 percent water, for example, and strawberries, cantaloupes, and grapefruits all have a high percentage too) so do some research first so you can choose the fruit that will do something good for you, and have a snack and a glass of water at the same time, effectively doubling up on your intake.

Green Tea

If you want a hot drink but also want to keep up with your water intake, try green tea. It is rich in antioxidants and flavonoids, and these can boost your metabolism. You can even drink iced green tea (and the ice is another way to have more water) if it’s a hot day.

How To Have A Greener Business

There are many reasons to ‘green’ your business and become more environmentally friendly. One is that it’s good for the planet. Another is that it will make you stand out in a highly competitive commerce space (either on or offline). Thirdly, going green really can help your bottom line and save you money. With so many good reasons to have a greener business, here are some ways to get started.

Post-Consumer Waste

Post-consumer waste (PCW) is about using recycled goods as much as possible in your business. Not just paper (although paper is a huge part of PCW), but other items as well including cardboard, ink cartridges, plastic items, furniture and anything else that you can buy recycled, upcycled, or otherwise previously used. PCW is a regulated way of buying recycled goods. Unlike a container that simply has the recycled symbol on it, which may not have been recycled to proper guidelines, if you buy PCW items then you can be sure that you are buying the right thing.

Biodegradable Cleaning Products

Exchange your office’s harsh, toxic chemical cleaning products for green, biodegradable ones. There is no need to rush out right now and buy more products if you haven’t finished using your current ones, but once they are done, you can buy much kinder new ones. You can even buy in bulk, which will save you money.

Do It Yourself

Unless you are in an absolute emergency, try to do as much around your office by yourself as you can. This could be anything from fixing a printer to decorating to planting a small garden in an outside space. You can even create your own logo online with DIY Logo. The point is, if you can do it yourself, you won’t have to call anyone out to help you, thus reducing vehicles on the road. It’s a small gesture, yes, but if everyone did it as much as possible, the world would start to be a cleaner place.

Use LED Lights

LED lighting does cost more than standard lighting – but that’s only to begin with. They last significantly longer than normal bulbs, and they use a lot less energy. So by the end of its working life, your LED light will have saved you money, and will have helped the environment too. In fact, studies show that LED bulbs (or compact fluorescent (CFL) lighting) can save you as much as $200 over the life of the bulb.

Buy Energy Efficient Equipment

When you need a new computer monitor, printer, shredder, even a microwave or refrigerator for your break room, make sure you look for its green credentials before making a purchase. The better the energy rating, the better the appliance is for the environment, and your bank balance. Remember also to dispose of your old appliances safely and responsibly, and don’t just take them to the landfill or – even worse – dump them somewhere. If you are unsure how to dispose of these items properly, take a look online or contact your local area representative.

RatesRates

My pricing guidlines

Type of Publication

Type of Work

£

Magazine Writing & research per 1000 400
Magazine Editor per day 250
Magazine Sub-editing per 1000 120
Magazine Fact checking per day 200
Newspaper (regional) Writing & research per 1000 220
Newspaper (regional) Sub-editing per 1000 95
Newspaper (regional) Fact checking per day 200
Newspaper (national) Writing & research per 1000 700
Newspaper (national) Sub-editing per 1000 450
Newspaper (national) Fact checking per day 200
Online/digital media Writing & research per 1000 180
Online/digital media Sub-editing per 1000 95
Online/digital media Fact checking per day 200

MY RATES

Contact MeContact Me

Get in touch

GET IN TOUCH

Please contact me using the information below; I’d love to hear from you.

Phone

07710 611592

My ServicesMy Services

WHAT I CAN DO

Blog Writing

A blog is an essential tool in ensuring your website is seen. I can create regular blog posts that will move you up the rankings and give you a better placement within your industry.

Ghost Writing

Have you ever wanted to write a novel, memoir or short story but don’t have the time? Do you have the ideas, but the words don’t flow? I can help. Contact me for a confidential chat.

Articles

I am happy to carry out research, conduct interviews, and write/edit articles of any length. Contact me for more information about my rates and services.

Web Content

From your home page to your about me details and everything in between, you want a website that has snappy, interesting, high quality content. Let me create it for you.

Sales Letters

If you have a product that you want others to know about, you need a sales letter that is going to get attention – and keep it. I can write that letter for you.

Emails

Are you thinking of starting an email campaign but don’t know what to include? Or perhaps you want to send a special email to that special someone, but you can’t think of the right words. Contact me and we can discuss exactly what I can do to help.

Product Descriptions

Selling products online can be an excellent way of making a business, but if your products sound boring and your descriptions are dull, no one will want them. I’ve written thousands of products descriptions, and I can make your products shine.

Copy Editing & Proofreading

Have you written something that needs that extra level of checking? With my years of experience I can proofread or copy edit your work so that it’s the best it can be.

Social Media Management & Digital Marketing

Getting your digital marketing and social media strategy right is essential. I can provide and implement a social media marketing plan that works for you. Contact me to find out more.

About MeAbout Me

I'm a content writer

Excellent work by Lisamarie, on time, great quality and constant communication. Would not hesitate to recommend and in fact use again as soon as opportunity arises.

Andreas K
Andreas K

Lisamarie was great to work with - she did a fantastic job that completely met the brief and was delivered before the deadline.

Helena W
Helena W

Quick and brilliant, nailed the brief! Will work with her all the time 🙂

Roshni S
Roshni S

Fantastic work A++++

Rob C
Rob C

It was a pleasure to work with Lisamarie, she adjusted to our workflow and process with ease and completed work quickly and effectively.

Geoff J
Geoff J

Lisamarie is a very good writer and is very easy to work with. She reacted well to my guidance and provided me with content I'm very happy to use. I look forward to working with her again soon.

Ola F
Ola F

Great work from Lisamarie, articles are exactly what we wanted

Matthew E
Matthew E

Brilliant work from Lisamarie. I would definitely retain her again and recommend her to others.

Brad B
Brad B

REVIEWS

I started writing in my late teens but it was only with the birth of my daughter that I decided to write more seriously, with the aim of publication. Since that decision in 2010, I have had over 40 short stories published in anthologies and magazines.

Find out more about my publications on my Amazon Author Page.

I am the features and online editor for insideKENT and insideSUSSEX magazines.

I am also a freelance writer who has ghost-written hundreds of blog posts, articles, reviews, fiction, and more.

I live with my husband, daughter, and a cat called Cheryl in the Kent countryside next door to a field full of horses.

http://www.facebook.com/lisamarielambwriter

http://www.twitter.com/lisamarie20010

MY STORY

my blogmy blog

my diary
Writing: It’s Never Too Late

There is a feeling that steals over me sometimes that I’ve left it too late to be doing this. That I should have started writing earlier in life, a decade earlier, 15 years earlier… If I had, I wonder where I would be now?

And then I remember two things. The first is that I didn’t start writing earlier because I wasn’t ready to. If I had, my writing would not have been of the right standard, and I might have given up after a few rejections. Secondly, I’m not alone. Many writers had other careers first before moving on to new and exciting things.

That’s life.

So here are a few of them to illustrate my point. It’s quite an impressive list.

 

Frank McCourt

Author of the wonderful Angela’s Ashes, McCourt didn’t start writing until he was 65 years old. On top of that, he left school at 13 due to his family’s poverty; he had to start work.

 

EL James

No matter whether you love or hate the Fifty Shades series of books, no one can deny what a phenomenon they became, spawning movies and many copycat versions. EL James was 44 when she began to write these books which began simply as fan fiction.

 

Mario Puzo

Mario Puzo, the father of The Godfather was 33 when he began writing. Whilst that’s not ancient by any means, it is still a lot later than many famous authors – Stephen King was just 12, for example, and F. Scott Fitzgerald was 23.

 

Chuck Palahniuk

The Fight Club author was another of the 33 year old club, picking up the pen to write down his incredible stories in his fourth decade of life.

 

Charles Bukowski

writing

Although Bukowski wrote for most of his life, he didn’t get his big break until he was 49 when he submitted Post Office to a publisher. It was published two years later, and at 51 Bukowski’s life changed forever.

 

Donald Ray Pollock

writing

Donald Ray Pollock had a variety of different jobs in his life, but writer came relatively late. He published a collection of short stories when he was 55, and when he was 58 his debut novel, award-winning The Devil Of All Time, came out.

 

Helen DeWitt

Writing Helen de Witt

Helen DeWitt spent most of her life in academia until she almost had a breakdown and realised she just couldn’t face it anymore. With 100 different novels in fragments around her home, she took some time off just to write – with no interruptions. She would, she said, ‘write until the money ran out’. At the end of that time, she had her impressive novel, The Last Samurai written. She was 44 years old.

 

So there you have it. Many of the writers who are now household names didn’t start writing until they were 30, 40, 50, even 60. And even if they had been writing for longer, being published took the time. So I can relax and enjoy what I’m doing – just write and the rest will follow.

Beating Those Back To Work Blues

It doesn’t matter whether you hate your job with a passion, or whether you have the best career in the world, that feeling of going back to work after a little time off still fills us with dread. It’s back to reality. It’s back to the daily routine. No more home time, no more holiday, no more freedom. The grindstone is waiting, and your nose has to be put right back on it.

Ouch.

No wonder we all get a little sad about the prospect of heading back to the office.

But guess what? There are ways to combat this terrible feeling and get straight back into the swing of things without too much distress…

back to work blues

 

Why Are You Feeling Like This?

That’s an important question. Ask yourself why you are feeling so down about going back to work, and you might get a surprising answer, but one that will help you make some decisions, and help you feel happier about things too.

It could just be that you’ve enjoyed your time off and the idea of having to go back to the office (or wherever) and get your brain in gear doesn’t appeal. And that’s perfectly normal. But a few hours – or even minutes – into your first day, and for the majority of people that’s all forgotten and you’ll wonder what you were worried about in the first place.

For some, however, it’s a deeper problem than simply enjoying a bit of freedom. Could there be something about your job (perhaps even the job itself) that you dislike enough to make you not want to go back at all? If this is more than just a form of the Sunday evening fear, it’s time to take stock. If you’re not enjoying your job, you might consider moving on. If not immediately, then at some point, once you’ve done all the sums and weighed up the pros and cons of it all. There is no point in going to work for eight (ish) hours a day if it’s not something you like. There are many forms of deathbed regrets, and working too hard in the wrong place ranks right up there at the top.

You might even consider starting your own business.

If it is one aspect of the job that is making you miserable, why not speak to your boss? They might be able to help, and it could turn out that it wasn’t such an issue after all once it’s out in the open.

 

Have You Made A Work Plan?

If the feeling of dread doesn’t dissipate after a little while, if it’s there every morning and you’re coming home more downhearted every day, you know what you need to do. Finding a new job isn’t something that can necessarily happen overnight, especially when you’ve got commitments and a family to provide for. So make a plan. Give yourself a time frame to get it completed by (three months is a good one – just long enough to feel comfortable, but short enough that you have to get on straight away). Create targets to meet along the way such as applying for a certain number of jobs each week, or tidying up your CV by a specific date. You might even want to invest in some evening classes to top up your skills.

back to work blues

 

Me, Me, Me

If your job isn’t the problem and you’re happy doing what you do, where you do it, and the people with whom you work, then it could be a problem within yourself. If you’re not feeling 100 percent, book an appointment with your GP and chat to them about what ails you. It could be a physical problem (lack of sleep, a weight issue, general aches and pains), or it could be a psychological one (anxiety, stress, depression, for example). Either way, it’s good to discuss these matters and hopefully do something about them once and for all. As soon as you fix your body and mind, everything else will fall into place.

back to work blues

And for those who are simply feeling a little run down, you need to schedule some me time. Book a fancy spa day, go for a long walk on your own, read a good book, watch a terrible movie, it doesn’t matter as long as you can relax and zone out for a while. When you come back down to the real world you’ll hopefully be feeling a whole lot better for it.

How To Write A Cover Letter

When you apply for a job, no matter what it might be, you will often be asked to send not only your CV but a cover letter as well. Even if you aren’t asked for one, sending a cover letter is always a good idea; it certainly can’t hurt, and it might just make your application stand out above someone else’s.

The cover letter is all about giving the employer more information about you than your CV – no matter how interesting and varied it might be – can do. It’s an insight into who you are, rather than what you can do and how long you’ve been doing it. And when an employer has to read many CVs to fill just one role, giving them more information to show them that you can do what they need you to do is important.

Here are some tips on how to write a cover letter that will get noticed.

Make It Specific

Once you’ve written your cover letter, you can re-use it time and again when you apply for jobs, to a point. It’s important to not just copy and paste the exact same letter every time. Instead, you should change it for each job you apply for so that it is much more specific. Although this will take extra time, it is worth doing – it will show the employer that you have read the job description properly, and that you understand what the role requires. You may also want to include some details about why you want to work for the company you are applying for, and show that you know who they are.

cover letter lightbulb moment

As well as this, it will help you determine whether or not the job really is what you are looking for. Since you will have to read the advert for the job more closely, you will be able to make sure you are comfortable in applying for the position. If you aren’t, move on to the next job. If all checks out, then send your CV and cover letter to the employer.

Write A Great First Paragraph

Just as an employer is going to read a lot of CVs, they are also going to read a lot of cover letters (although not as many, as some people just don’t bother with them, which is always a mistake). So you need yours to stand out. The best way to do this is to make sure you have a great first paragraph.

Start with a strong statement right at the start that tells the potential employer that you are pleased to be able to apply for the job. Mention the role’s title, and the company’s name. Then go on to explain why you are applying; what is it about the job that excites you? What is it about the company that makes you want to work there? If you can, try to match your tone with that of the company (you can check the website for this – are they casual? Formal? Conversational?).

Why You?

One of the most important elements of the cover letter you’re writing is the part where you explain why you are the best candidate for the position. Although your skills should be listed out in your CV, adding them into your cover letter in a more specific way can really cement the idea that you are the person who should be hired in the employer’s mind. Go into a little more detail than your CV allows; this will give the employer a good idea of who you are and what you can do, but it will also help you to prepare for the interview when it comes. It will help you to remember past successes and will put them at the forefront of your mind.

cover letter hired handshake

Finishing Up Your Cover Letter

To finish the letter, you should summarise why you are the ideal candidate for the job, and try to write it in one sentence.

This is the ideal time to invite the employer to get in touch with you; show that you are confident in your abilities and your fit for the job without being arrogant or cocky.

Finally, think about how you are going to sign the letter. Something like ‘cheers’ could be seen as too informal. ‘Yours faithfully’ or ‘yours sincerely’ might be accurate but too formal. ‘Best’ or ‘best wishes’ may be something you would write to a loved one, rather than a potential employer. Although how you sign off might not seem important, it is the last impression you leave with your potential new employer, so it is worth taking time over.

Get In Touch

If you need a little help writing your cover letter, please get in touch – it’s one of the many writing services I provide.

Ghostwriting Services – I Can Help

Ghostwriting services… Did you know I’m a ghostwriter?

I’m currently writing two stories for different clients – one is a cosy mystery and the other is a paranormal adventure! They are both very happy with the way the plots and characters are turning out.

If you need anything written, whether it’s a novel, blog, article, or anything else, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

ghostwriting services

Why Do We Say That? Language And Its Origins

The origin of phrases can be absolutely fascinating. We use them on a daily basis, but not many of us ever stop to wonder why – why the words we say are part of our language, and what they really mean. Here are a few great examples of that – and their origins.

Don’t Throw The Baby Out With The Bath Water

Back in Victorian times, the practice for bathing was for the ‘man of the house’ to bathe first, then the wife, then the children in order of birth. Therefore, the baby would be last in the queue. By this time, so it is said, the water would be so dirty (people only tended to wash once a month) that it was entirely possible (apparently) to lose someone in it. Hence, when emptying the bathtub, the baby might be thrown out too!

 

Raining Cats & Dogs

When the majority of houses had thatched roofs, they were made by literally piling straw up – there was no wooden structure underneath. Now, due to straw being nice and warm, a lot of animals used to climb up and live in there, or at least sleep in there when it was chilly. But, when it rained the straw became slippery, and the larger animals (such as cats and dogs) would be washed right out. It would therefore be ‘raining cats and dogs’.

Bringing Home The Bacon/Chewing The Fat

If you were doing well in your profession, you might have been able to afford some bacon to go with your diet of (mainly) vegetables. If you could literally bring home the bacon, you would most likely hang it up to show it off hen guests came round. And because it was pretty expensive and a rarity to have it, it would be used sparingly. When friends came over for a chat, the fat would be cut off first, chopped into small pieces and handed out. You would ‘chew the fat’ with friends.

 

A Wake

Holding a wake for someone who has passed away has become something of a tradition, but it has a very practical origin. Whiskey and ale was served in pewter cups which contained lead, and this could have the effect of knocking someone out for two or more days. They might even be thought to be dead. But before arranging the burial, mourners would hold a wake – sitting around the ‘body’ with food and drink to keep watch in case the deceased woke up.

Dead Ringer/Saved By The Bell/Graveyard Shift

People were just not that great at knowing whether someone had actually died or were just pretty unwell. Premature burials were a definite thing. So rather than the trauma of worrying about burying someone alive, a bell would be attached to a piece of string, which would be attached in turn to the body. The bell would remain above ground, and, if the person in the coffin awoke, the bell would ring. They were known as ‘dead ringers’ who had been ‘saved by the bell’. And who would hear the bell ringing? It would be the person whose job it was to sit in the graveyard, on the graveyard shift, to listen out for it.

 

So there you have it; language is a fascinating thing. I wonder what phrases the people of the future will use that relate to us right now?

Due To Overwhelming Demand Neil Oliver Brings His UK Tour To Bromley This November

Due to overwhelming demand, Neil Oliver, archaeologist, historian, author and presenter of the TV series Coast, brings his hugely successful theatre tour The Story Of The British Isles in 100 Places to the Churchill Theatre in Bromley on Tue 19 November.   Neil who will be sharing his love of Great Britain and Ireland with audiences on this leg of the tour – first took to the stage in 2018 with a 38-date tour which coincided with the publication of his book of the same name.

credit: Grant Reed

Neil was appointed as President of the National Trust in Scotland in 2017 and is also known for his television series A History of Scotland and Vikings.   Whilst filming Coast Neil “fell in love all over again with the British Isles.  From north to south, east to west it cradles astonishing beauty.   The human story here is a million years old and counting.” Oliver comments.

Born in Renfrewshire in Scotland Neil Oliver studied Archaeology at the University of Glasgow and freelanced as an archaeologist before training as a journalist.  In 2002 he made his television debut with BBC Two’s Two Men in a Trench which featured Oliver and his close friend Tony Pollard visiting historic British battlefields. Since that time he has been a regular on our screens.

Discussing the tour Neil commented “Everything makes more sense when you study history. The more history you read, the less judgemental you become. All the things that are happening now have happened before. Countries reach a high point, and then they go through low points. That’s all explained by history. Like everyone else, politicians can have a better understanding of what’s happening by appreciating that there are patterns in history”.

The Story of the British Isles in 100 Places will give audiences the opportunity to share Oliver’s enthusiasm and unique perspective of British and Irish history.  In his amusing and entertaining way Neil Oliver will explain what it all means to him and why we need to cherish and celebrate our wonderful countries.

Neil Oliver: The Story of the British Isles in 100 Places

Churchill Theatre Bromley

Tue 19 November 2019

BOOK NOW

Churchill Theatre, High Street, Bromley, BR1 1HA

churchilltheatre.co.uk

Box Office: 020 3285 6000

tickets@churchilltheatre.co.uk

Theatre Review: Murder, Margaret & Me at The Churchill, Bromley

Agatha Christie… who was she really? Famed for her murders (in print, of course) and in particular for two of the most famous literary creations in history – Hercule Poirot and Miss Jane Marple – her name is known the world over. But who was she? It is this question that is at the heart of Murder, Margaret & Me, a fantastic, funny, dark, heart-breaking play by Philip Meeks.

credit Craig Sugden

Although the main story of the play revolves around two legends meeting, slowly becoming friends, and unravelling one another’s secrets, it begins with Agatha Christie. It has to. She, after all, made it all happen. Yet at this point in her career she has become ‘a brand’. She is losing her name (and herself) thanks to the demands of the tax man, and it scares her. It is forcing her agree to making her beloved Miss Marple into a motion picture, heaven forfend, and – worse still – rather than the birdlike, diminutive Miss Marple of her imagination, it is screen legend Margaret Rutherford, a large and loud lady known for her eccentricity and comedic turns, who is taking on the role (albeit reluctantly – murder is, after all, a sordid business). Why is she doing it? The tax man, of course.

So this is the set up of Murder, Margaret & Me. Two older women forced to become colleagues due to money, both doing something they never thought they would.

And then comes the murder. And the mystery. And, perhaps inevitably, Jane Marple is on the scene. Literally. She hovers over everything, never quite explained, a figment of both women’s imaginations perhaps, and it is in ‘The Spinster’ that they finally agree. They both know what Marple should be like, what she would say, how she would look, and it could indeed be this spectre at the feast (a gentile one who misses nothing and knows everything) that brings them together, pushes them apart, and then makes them friends once more.

Both women have a secret, you see, and neither wants the other to know about it. The difference between them is that Margaret Rutherford is quite happy to know nothing of what happened when Agatha Christie disappeared for 11 days in 1926, whereas Christie is unable to let go of the mystery surrounding Rutherford’s family and its dark past.

credit Craig Sugden

I know a lot about Agatha Christie. I have read the books, seen the films, the plays, the television series… so a lot of what was revealed about her was no surprise (although very nicely done; Lin Blakley does the famous writer justice), but I had no clue about Margaret Rutherford other than she played Miss Marple and that Christie wasn’t overly impressed with the idea at the start. Now, thanks to the play and to Sarah Parks’ impeccable performance, I want to know more. Much more. How could this legend of stage and screen, this tragic heroine in real life, have passed me by? This is the power of Murder, Margaret & Me – it has opened up new worlds and I have to explore them now.

Special mention must also go to The Spinster (who needs no introduction) who manipulates and pushes and pulls our two ladies in the direction they are meant to go in. Played by Gilly Tompkins, she is the Miss Marple we all know and love.

See Murder, Margaret & Me at The Churchill Theatre, Bromley, until 28th September: https://churchilltheatre.co.uk/Online/tickets-murder-margaret-me-bromley-2019

Revealed: Brits’ most desired smart bathroom technology #ad

83% of Brits’ desire a self-cleaning toilet!

66% of Brits’ want mood lighting fitted in their bathtub.

69% of Brits’ dream of digital controls for precise temperature, spray and timing in their shower.

Sanitising bathroom accessories tops list of bathroom technologies homeowners are dying to try!

A good lather and soak in the bath is the perfect antidote to stress, which is why more and more of us are turning to our powder room as a place to relax and unwind.

Accordingly, homeowners are seeking technologies to heighten their bathroom experience, taking lavatories, restrooms and water closets from humble necessity to the highlight of the home.

Interested in learning more about the relationship between homeowners and the latest smart bathroom technologies available, bathroom and shower experts Showerstoyou.co.uk surveyed 1,424 British proprietors to identify the tech features that most appeal to them.

It may come as no surprise when it comes to the toilet, homeowners most desire a self-cleaning feature (83%), followed by a self-deodoriser function (55%) and the ability to generate a heated seat (31%.)

69% of Brits are vocal about digital controls for precise temperature, spray and timing as the tech trend they most desire in the shower, followed by mood lighting (55%) and built-in sound – ideal for those that enjoy a shower-sing-along – at 48%.

Similarly, mood lighting (66%) tops the list of features British homeowners would most like to see fitted in their bathtub, followed by a built-in scented mist dispenser (62%) and a built-in heated backrest (41%); perfect for those sumptuous soaks.

In terms of general bathroom tech, a vast majority of Brits’ surveyed by Showers to You selected temperature control/thermostat smart control as the “general” feature they would like to see in their bathroom – at 62%.

Water conservation technology came second (41%); highlighting homeowners are becoming increasingly environmentally conscious within their homes; a trend which will likely ascend.

Wall-mounted, touch-panel interface was voted the third most-desired general smart bathroom technology (34%.)

The 5-bathroom technologies homeowners dream of trying:

Elsewhere in the bathroom tech universe, emerging technologies are tempting homeowners everywhere with the promise of sanitising, warming (and cooling), health-conscious solutions! Fairly new to the market, oftentimes underpinned by a hefty price tag, these technologies aren’t commonplace essentials… Yet!

Showerstoyou.co.uk asked homeowners which of these emerging technologies they’d most like to try in the future. Here’s the top 5:

  1. Sanitising bathroom accessories – 59%

Gadgets that use UV light to disinfect items like damp towels – leaving them fresh, fluffy and clean!

  1. Warming drawers – 52%

Think heated towel rack but in drawer form! The perfect place to store towels, robes and slippers.

  1. Fitbit Wi-Fi scales – 48%

An advanced set of scales, which track weight, lean mass, body fat and more – and sync data wirelessly and automatically to your Fitbit account!

  1. Virtual reality showers – 45%

This feature enables homeowners to project serene scenes – such as the beach, jungle or somewhere peaceful – within the washroom.

  1. Cooled cabinetry – 28%

Essentially refrigerated bathroom cabinets, which allow you to keep medicines cool (should you wish to), as well as store drinks!

 Credit https://www.showerstoyou.co.uk/

The Deep, Dark Woods

I write all sorts of things; flash fiction, poetry, short stories, novels… And these pieces of writing are in various genres; horror, romance, children’s, literary fiction, mystery… With over one hundred different projects, either completed or in process, I like to think that I’ve managed not to repeat myself when it comes to plot and characters.

I try not to anyway.

But there is one thing that I do mention a lot, and I’m completely aware of it. It’s not always intentional (although at times it is integral to the plot), but whether I mean it to be there at the start of a story or not, ‘the woods’ often pops up.

What do I mean? I mean actual, literal woods. Deep, dark places full of trees and animals and scary things. Or peaceful places full of beauty and clearings of dappled sunlight and twinkling, tinkling streams that lead on to adventure.

woods

I love to read about them. When I was younger, The Faraway Tree was one of my all-time favourites, and the two poems that are stuck on the wall by my writing desk are “The Listeners” by Walter de la Mare, and “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost.

I love to write about them too. Sometimes my stories are set within the trees. My children’s horror entitled The Waldgeist of Wanderal Woods, focuses the entire story in the magical world below a lush, green, leafy canopy. Another of my short stories is called “The Woods Today”, and is about a rather nasty teddy bears picnic. And another, “Miles To Go” details the shock and confusion of a man who awakes naked in a snowy wood.

Equally, some of my stories just touch on the woods. In “Fairy Lights” the protagonists camp by the edge of a wood, not daring to enter. “One Man and His Dog” has the eponymous man looking towards the woods, but eventually going in the other direction. “Careful of the Castle” involves a woman sitting on a hot, sandy beach; but she wishes she was wandering through the shaded woods of her home town.

There is something so fascinating, so elemental, so mysterious and exciting about woods, inside or out, that I find myself drawn to them. Of course, it helps that I’ve lived near one for almost all of my life. Or rather, near a few of them. The very first house I can remember backed onto woodland. I have a distinct memory of playing in the garden, sitting on a swing that my dad made and which hung from a big old apple tree, and staring, hard, hard, harder, over the back fence and into the woods. I wanted to see something move. I never did, unless wind-waving leaves counted.

woods

A few years later we moved, and this time the garden was bigger, and at the bottom of this one was a large meadow on which horses roamed. That was nice. That was fine. But it was what was beyond the meadow, just on the horizon, that delighted me – a patch of trees that I was happy to call a wood. I even climbed over the back fence on a few occasions and ran across the field, dodging manure, to reach the trees. But fear of what (or whom?) I would find forced me back home. I never did go in.

And then I found a reason to go into the woods. The geocaching adventures I go on now mean that I have to enter the trees and I have to search amongst them. Now I love the woods even more.

Flash Fiction: Soft Snowflakes

Soft Snowflakes

Soft snowflakes began to fall. “How funny,” she thought, “that winter should come on the very day my heart began to melt.”

“How funny,” she thought, “that winter should come at all.” She pondered this as she sipped her warming wine and tried to ignore the hunger pangs that accompanied every swallow. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten. Not today. Not even yesterday. The day before? Possibly. If that was the day she had left the hospital then definitely. But that could have been a week, a month, a year ago. It seemed to her that she had been sitting in this window seat waiting for the snowflakes, drinking wine and tucked up against the world for decades. For centuries. For eternity.  Little wonder, then, that she was feeling light-headed.

There was a sound, but she couldn’t place it. It was familiar, like a well-used door opening or a creaky stair being stepped on. A comforting sound. A safe sound. A loved sound. And that sound, and her knowing that she would soon hear it no longer, made her suddenly weep. She lowered her head to her raised knees and sobbed for the sadness of it all, for the unfairness. Her wine glass dropped, the red liquid cooling and spreading along the cushion she had re-upholstered herself in happier days.

snowflakes

The sound came again and she knew it through her grief. It was her husband’s key in the lock. Her melting heart, dwindling and dripping away, bit by bit, made an effort to pound harder, but failed. His key in the lock. It wasn’t possible, of course she knew that. She had left him, all those eons ago, dead from a heart attack. She had left him in the hospital, alone, and she had returned home, alone. And she was still there, and he was still there. Nothing had changed. But that sound…

She didn’t, as many would, rush to the door, fling it open and find nothing. She didn’t move at all. She reached down, picked up the almost empty bottle and refilled her glass. She watched the snow fall and listened as her heart melted.